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The ShanMonster

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Wilt [May. 9th, 2008|08:24 am]
[Tags|, , , , ]
[mood | uncomfortable]
[music |construction]

My lungs feel like a bouquet being held too tightly at the bottom. It's crushing the stems and making the flowers wilt, damnit. My energy levels are way down. All I've been doing this week, it seems, is napping or sitting on my ass. I want to get back to dance and kung fu classes next week, but I'm not so sure my lungs will comply. Nevertheless, I did go for a decent walk yesterday, some calisthenics and my seniors' dance class the day before, and a run the day before that. I teach dance tonight. And I want to go for another run. Maybe I'll get some dance practice in today. Let's see how that goes.

Dancing. Yeah. I want to do a lot more of that. I recently got a copy of Ariellah's drilling DVD, and am eager to give it another try.

----------

Wow. I just remembered it's my anniversary this month (14th!). Umm, [info]f00dave, what do you want to do for it? My weekends are full, but I have a raincheck for plans I've been making for some time.

----------

My tabs are filling up again. Have some tasty links.

Steampunk Star Wars: I'm pretty sure I linked to this before, but [info]papajoemambo's post made me want to link to it again. You know what I want to see? Steampunk renditions of other 70s pop culture: Diff'rent Strokes, Jabberjaws, Towering Inferno, etc.

Plantimals: Corns have ears. Potatoes have eyes. These have, well....

My Beautiful Mommy: Children's book about plastic surgery.

50 Greatest Commercial Parodies of All Time: Cute.

The Ultimate Showdown of Homosexuality: NSFW. Just as brilliant as The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, but far more nekkid.

Katar Gallery: These are some almighty gorgeous daggers, and if I still had the facilities, I'd make one for myself.

Smell Yo Dick: Oh, pop music. How I love you so.
link7 comments|post comment

Breathe. Breathe You Fucker! [May. 8th, 2008|12:06 am]
[Tags|, , , , ]
[mood | sick]

Can anyone explain to me why Paris Hilton is on the cover of the newest National Geographic magazine? I find myself strangely irked, despite already being aware of the magazine's less than stellar reputation for anthropology and other ologies.

Why is the F key on my new keyboard so sticky? It feels like there's syrup on it, and I can't imagine why.

The Ministry show was a blast. And even though I was wearing spectacles and was still frightfully sick with my third cold of the season (grr...), I ended up in the mosh pit for "So What". I wore my leather jacket, despite the formidable heat. I considered it training for this summer's LARP season where I'll be running around in armour. I drenched myself in my own sweat, but the jacket prevented the sweat of the unwashed others from tainting my dainty flesh. When my eye glasses floated off my head and I just managed to snatch them back from certain doom, I decided to vacate the pit and watched the rest of the show from stage right. I had an excellent view of the show from the rear, and without anyone jostling me at all. I even got to lean on a security rail. Did you know that twenty guitars were used during the show? I learned it from my vantage point, where the guitars were stabled much like horses in little guitar stalls.

I suspect Ministry is soon to be no more because Al is looking remarkably like Ozzie, now. Eep.

Meshuggah did a kick-ass show, too, and I stayed just on the outside edge of the roiling mosh pit for their set.

This Sunday, I'm off to yet another metal show: Kill Switch Engage and Poison the Well. I blush to say I'm not terribly familiar with either band (although I enjoy KSE's cover of "Holy Diver").

And the next week is the KW Metalfest, where I'll be working the show as security and gofer. You should come to the festival. Really.

........

The other night, Rooster came to visit me from Toronto. We went to [info]schwartzung's place and I refereed a few battles between the two of 'em. No injuries were sustained because of the boffer brawls, but somehow, mysteriously, both Rooster and [info]snowy_kathryn sustained tendon pulls. It is a mystery.

Rooster and Schwartzung also endeavoured to teach Kathryn, Amelia, and I more hand signals for the future success of our military LARPing careers.

I still need a lot of work.

.........

My cold still plagues me in the form of that goddamned, pesky, persistent asthma constriction of doom. I'm waiting for my lungs to stop bearing down like a woman in labour. Grr.

........

Links? Ok.

Ape Genius reveals depth of animal intelligence: "Anthropologist Jill Pruetz believes she has made a landmark discovery - a species other than humans learning - and passing on - the skills to make a lethal weapon." The monkey wars are nigh.

German group patents 'smell-phone': Prank calls will hit a new low with the ability to transmit farts....

Haptic Heart Beats You To Sleep: Is this a new feature on RealDolls yet?

Yeah. Gotta sleep. Lungs want to kill me.
link9 comments|post comment

My Desk [Apr. 17th, 2008|11:51 am]
[Tags|, ]
[mood | weird]
[music |Sinead O'Connor - Troy]

I just got back from another run. I can't get over how much I've improved in my running since this time last year. I hadn't been running for almost a year, and I can easily triple what I did before, and I'm nowhere near as tired. I think it's because my asthma meds are doing their job. I wasn't on meds last year, aside from the occasional ventolin puff in an emergency.

In a couple of minutes, I'm going to go for an hour-long bike ride. And tonight, I do tap dance class and kung fu. Booyeah.

The biggest effort I need to accomplish next week is a clean-up job, though. My office is a disaster, and I have to clean it up because I'll be getting a roommate for the summer, and guess where she'll be staying?

In my office.

Take my desk, for example. It's a mess. A weird, kooky mess. From a very cursory glance I see:
  • An Oojami cd
  • an ink cartidge that won't fit my printer
  • a silver mirror
  • a children's book on bloodletting written in a language I can't identify
  • a box os dark chocolate with caramelized pistachio pieces
  • a package of large googly eyes
  • notes from a Midori workshop on sex bondage
  • a tub of lipgloss over ten years of age
  • a dental pick
  • costume jewellery
  • a photo of me grabbing my crotch and flashing the devil horns
  • jade beads
  • star-shaped rivets
  • a wineskin
  • a red helium balloon attached to my mouse
  • a spool of metallic thread
That's without picking anything up to see what's under it, too. Am I just imagining things, or is that a bizarre list of stuff? I mean, it didn't seem strange to me until I listed it out, and now I'm feeling just a little bit peculiar.
link7 comments|post comment

Picture This [Jan. 23rd, 2008|01:22 pm]
[Tags|, , , ]
[mood | sick]

Lacunal 2Last night I did a photo shoot with [info]angramainyu for the first time in over a year. He has a gorgeous new studio, and we did a few hours of bodyscapes (like landscapes, only with, well, bodies) and some floor shots. I can't say enough good things about him. He's a real pleasure to work with, and the shots he pulls are simply beautiful. If you haven't already, go check out his website. He also gave me a copy of his newest book, Lacunal 2. I feature very heavily in this book, and am the cover model. The book isn't cheap, but is well worth the money. The book itself is of the highest quality, and so, of course, are the photos within.

Tonight I'm going to the Ren after I teach my seniors' dance class. It's another industrial/goth night. Wanna come with? I'm planning on bringing out my camera again, because I was pleased with the last set of photos I took there. Maybe, if I can get someone to sit still long enough, I'll see if I can work with human subjects.

I'm slowly but surely reorganizing my dance studio so I can fit in my new dance pole. Soon I shall be spinning up a storm and doing pull-ups in my own home. It'll be good to be able to practice at will.

Ariellah is in Toronto this weekend. Much to my dismay, I won't be attending her workshop or performing in her show. I be too po', damnit! The search for decent part-time work continues.

I'm feeling considerably better than I did last week, but my sickness has taken a disgusting turn. I now have what sounds like the chunkiest, hunkiest smoker's cough. It's revolting. I can't wait until I stop producing my own chewing gum.

Link time? Ok.

Kite to pull ship across Atlantic: It's like a sail boat, but different.

Love Bugs: NSFW. You probably don't want to click this.

License to Grill: How to get around pesky patio rules.

Drank beers, tried to stab worker: This happened a stone's throw from my home. I can't help but wonder two things: 1. Why is the guy not in jail? 2. Who brings a knife to a chainsaw fight?
link1 comment|post comment

Breathe. Breathe You Fucker! [Jan. 17th, 2008|12:44 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[mood | sick]
[music |Peaches - Fuck the Pain Away]

So they're doing construction work in the parking garage of my apartment building, and the whole place has been inundated with fumes for the past week and a half. Luckily for me, I wasn't here all last week. Unluckily for me, I am now. Strong fumes plus respiratory disease equals a whole world of hurting for me. I was woken up this morning by a whistling sound. In my groggy state, it took me a while to realize that sound was the labouring of my lungs. I currently have the most sultry of smoky, low voices. I wish I could turn this voice on when I wanted to, and not have it dictated by my state of unwellness.

I tried talking to the superintendent of the building, but she is nowhere to be found. She's a horrid nasty bitch of a woman, so I can't imagine she'll want to do anything. Someone asked me, "Well, what can she do, anyway?"

My answer is this. She can arrange for those with respiratory illnesses to stay in a motel until the fumes are gone. I just might end needing to go to the hospital because of this. And I'm fairly sure my kung fu classes are shot for a while again. I can't afford to pay for classes I can't go to. Hell, I can't really afford to pay for classes I can attend. And I sure as fuck can't afford to take time off from teaching dance classes for this. I need the money.

Goddamn.

Want some links? I've got your links right here.

Pope shuns protesting academics: Pope Ratty says the verdict against Galileo was just. Academics who don't believe the universe rotates around a stationary earth disagree. Wacky hijinks ensue.

''Death Maps'' Pinpoint Mortality Causes: Africa looks like a great place to be if you want to die of something exotic. Hell, it looks like the right place to be if you want to die, period.

Manned Cloud by Jean-Marie Massaud: The steam-punkiest thing I've seen in a while.

Spanish Steps filled with thousands of multicoloured balls in latest stunt: This looks so very much like a prank my sister's Malkavian played in a Vampire campaign about fifteen years ago.

King of the rats weighed one tonne: I think I'm most excited because the article contains the words "squidgy" and "hystricognath". That's what I call an improbable word combination!

Make Documents Real Official: Sign In Blood: "Bob Partington designed the blood pen that, using a syringe and little motor, writes in blood."

Amazing Photo: I don't know what the caption is, but I think it ought to be "Death Ray from God."

Peaches - Fuck the Pain Away: I love this video, wherein Peaches instigates a rivalry between Andy Griffith and Barney.

And I finish with this horrific photo of hideous glee and scatological kiddy bondage:

[Gollum]
link3 comments|post comment

Shake the Disease [Dec. 12th, 2007|11:59 am]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood | sick]
[music |Mario Lanza - The Donkey Serenade]

Tonight's the night I experiment once again with dancing through asthma. If you're interested in witnessing the spectacle, hie thine arse over to the Rivoli at 8:30.

The artistic director, Sion Irwin-Childs, says:
I would like to invite you to come to a fundraising party at the Rivoli on December 12 and support the Eros, Thanatos & the Avant-Garde Cabaret Series. I will be presenting a showcase of the best performances, performers and films that have been featured at the Eros Cabaret over the past year. The Fundraising Party will be complete with a silent auction, raffles and our amazing house band The Calrizians!

Tickets $15
Doors at 8:30pm
Show Time 9pm

Performers include:
Ballet Espressivo
Olivia Davies
Tracey Norman
Shantell Powell
Elise Rowan
Jannine Sarrinen

Films by: Jesi the Elder,
Ballet Espressivo and more!

Come and win all your Christmas presents!

Raffle Draw:
There will be a total of 25 raffle prizes to be won.
Prizes include dinners for 2, Gift Certificates for goodies including the LCBO, Penguin Music, Pages and Mister Case and many more.. INCLUDING a VIP tour for you and 9 of your best friends of Steamwhistle Brewing valued at $250!

Ticket prices: $10 for one, $20 for three and $50 for ten.
Winning tickets are removed from the draw, increasing your chances of winning!

Silent Auction:
We have fashion items and gift certificates donated by:
Fashion Crimes
Molly Grundy
Riding Academy at the Horse Palace $200 gift certificate
Toronto Argonauts Prize Pack

All money raised will go towards supporting the Eros, Thanatos & the Avant-Garde Cabaret Series.
I won't be wearing the costume I'd intended. I didn't finish it, partially due to just being busy, and partially because I'm conserving my energy. My productivity tends to fall as my oxygen intake decreases.

This whole dancing through my asthma thing seems to happen about a quarter to a third of the time I perform. Instead of letting the disease prevent me from doing my best, I could make it my bitch, turning the disease into a key part of the artistic experience. If I had the capacity, I'd love to hook up some sort of microphone to my lungs, amplifying and distorting the sound of their distress. I'd also like to hook up the sound of my labouring heart as it deals with the ever-decreasing oxygen, using it as the rhythm section of my music. It would be interesting to work with a band who could jam with my heartbeat as the percussion. And then maybe I could use the performance in a fund-raiser for respiratory disease research. Does anyone with the technology want to put something together with me?

In case you're interested, here is the last performance I did while going through a significant asthma attack:

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Alive But Not Kicking [Dec. 11th, 2007|11:08 am]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood | sick]
[music |Otep - Crooked Spoons]

Just a few days shy of my performance at the Rivoli, I came down with a cold. So not only is my head filled with snot, but my lungs are incommunicado. This does not bode well for tomorrow's performance. No, not at all. Still, I'll see what meds can do to get me through this. As it stands, I'm skipping kung fu right now because I know there's no way I could manage an hour of biking in the cold plus another 90 minutes to two hours of kung fu. I'm hoping I can manage the five minutes of high-energy I'll need to expend tomorrow night. Go go pharmaceuticals!

I have many links to share. Are you ready for this? Here goes...

Headbutting Police Dogs – A ‘PC’ Step Too Far: "A Welsh police force is training its dogs to headbutt criminals rather than bite them, because politically correct - 'PC' - bosses are afraid that allowing the dogs to bite criminals will infringe their human rights!"

Think of a Headline for the Dog of the Week: Probably the best/worst newspaper headline.

10 Most Bizarre People on Earth: If they're not in the top ten, they're likely up there. Also related is the list of Real-life Superheroes: 10 People with Incredible Abilities.

Hear Voices? It May Be an Ad: The most insidious and offensive advertising technique I think I've ever heard of (thanks, [info]warrenellis).

In fruit flies, homosexuality is biological but not hard-wired: Yes. Homoinsectuals (thanks, [info]f00dave).

Children are targets of Nigerian witch hunt: The burning times are still alive and kicking.

Parkinson's drugs 'made me gambler, thief and gay sex fiend': And pot gives you the munchies. Choose pot.

Cambodian Rocks: "In 1996, the Parallel World label released the LP "Cambodian Rocks", a collection of Cambodian psych and garage music from the 60s and early 70s (probably), compiled by an American tourist named Paul Wheeler from some cassettes he bought in Phnom Penh. No information on the songs was provided at all, no artist names, no song titles, and no recording dates. Four years later, Parallel World reissued this compilation on CD with a few extra tracks, but still without any identifying information. Unfortunately, it is more than likely that many of the featured musicians, showing a definite Western influence in their music, were murdered by the Khmer Rouge regime which took over power in 1975. Certainly none of them ever received any money from the sales of this compilation. However, the music is wonderful, and here it is for your enjoyment."

Man lifts 14 bricks with his 'horn': This is a heartwarming story about how kung fu can make tumours useful for something or another. Just don't look at his teeth in the picture. They frighten me.
link5 comments|post comment

Well, Now [Nov. 20th, 2007|09:59 am]
[Tags|, ]
[mood | pensive]
[music |Santa Hates You - Pantheon]

A couple of weeks ago, I felt like a superhero. I was running and fighting and stalking for hours on end without getting tired. I was doing intense physical exercises without getting shagged out, and then I was biking home afterwards, again, without being tired.

I guess I was thinking this was some sort of pseudo height of my biorhythm sort of bullshit, but when I woke up this morning, it was with a sudden realization: What if this is just what I feel like when my lungs are working properly?

If this is the case, then damn. I am in good shape.

Now, if I can just keep my lungs in good working order, the world is my trampoline.
link1 comment|post comment

[Aug. 8th, 2007|05:57 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood | sore]
[music |Android Lust - Sense of it All]

I don't know what the proper way of meeting women is, but I'm fairly sure it isn't by cycling up behind someone and whispering "I need you" in her ear.

And when you're answered by, "I don't need you," that is not an invitation to keep trying.

Sigh....

In other news, I got to use my kung fu skills on the bus when a little boy foolishly stood up on the seat as we went around a turn. Palm strikes are good for more than violence, when applied judiciously. He didn't fall and break his head, and I didn't have to listen to screaming and crying until my stop.

My neck is still fantastically sore, but not nearly as bad as yesterday. I went in for a massage this morning, and it helped tremendously. Now I can actually move my head around, even if not to my usual standards. The verdict? Idiopathic muscle spasms. It could be caused by the humidity. But who knows? I don't. I just want it gone. Now.

I also went in to the airway specialist today for a follow-up visit. My lungs have improved drastically on the new medication--far more than anticipated. My persistent cough is apparently the result of post-nasal drip associated with my asthma, so now I have another medication to take until that clears up. I guess my trachea looks like it was napalmed.

I may be employed. I'm really not sure. I go in for training tomorrow, but I don't know much more than that. Here's hoping I can get some part-time hours. I really don't want full-time, but just enough to relieve the economic pressure.

I've been writing up a storm. I'm surpassing my expectations, sometimes doing more than twenty pages a day. I hope the well doesn't run dry. It feels good to be able to read what the voices in my head are saying....

Link time, boys and girls.

Kids love any food that says McDonalds: Thoroughly disheartening to anyone but a McDonald's ad executive (thanks, [info]snowy_kathryn).

My Rattlesnake Bite: When I was eleven years old, I was nearly bitten by a rattler. I'm glad I didn't have to go through this ordeal (thanks, [info]gha5t).

Mystery Lego: "A huge Lego toy has mysteriously appeared on Zandvoort beach in Holland. Nobody knows where it comes from" (thanks, [info]warren_ellis).

Shitty Room Mate: Every now and then, I come across a truly gruesome story about people who seem too craptastic to be real. This is another one of those.

Spine Lamp: If money were no problem, I'd have one of these on my desk right now.

Alcoholic beverages derived from animal extract, and methods for the production thereof: A truly unappetizing patent.

Angry Hornet Warning: Yup (thanks, [info]f00dave).

Seagull becomes crisp shoplifter: This seagull has very particular tastes (thanks, Ken).

Chickens in the Mist: I suspect this RPG may have been made with me in mind (thanks, [info]gha5t).

Flashlight Weapon Makes Targets Throw Up: When the Fleshlight just doesn't trigger the gag reflex...
link4 comments|post comment

Breathe Easy [Jun. 27th, 2007|03:26 pm]
[Tags|]
[mood | curious]
[music |my fan]

I went to the airway clinic today to get my asthma checked out, and the results were illuminating. I was doing fine inside, but once I biked to the hospital in the heat and the smog, my lungs started seizing up a little again, and my perennial cough returned. Still, as far as things have been lately, I wasn't too bad.

So I get inside and the nurse practitioner checked my air flow. Much to my surprise, I was only operating at 68% of normal lung capacity. The nurse says that my asthma is "out of control," and he is astonished I am able to bike without keeling over. He says I must be in amazing physical condition to be able to do what I do with these lungs.

After I took three hits off a Ventolin puffer, he checked me again, and my breathing had improved by 45%. But Ventolin/Salbutamol is not the answer. Apparently, taking Ventolin all the time is actually damaging, and your lungs build up scar tissue so that you basically end up with something akin to emphysema. It's like taking Tylenol for a brain tumour. It helps get rid of the pain, but does nothing for the tumour.

I've been put on a different med: Symbicort. And in six weeks, I go back so he can judge my progress. This stuff is supposed to help strengthen my lungs and keep the inflammation down. Here's hoping I see big progress.

Now, how come none of my doctors ever checked out my lungs in the last decade? Why did they just keep giving me prescriptions for Salbutamol without ever checking my airflow? All of my doctors suck.
link8 comments|post comment

We're Different Colours and We're Different Creeds [Jun. 23rd, 2007|11:49 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[mood | exhausted]
[music |Iambia - Chaosmaster]

What an incredibly long day this has been. It all started last night, when I attended my first sleepover party in decades. After more STRONGNOB and an introduction to yet another delicious alcoholic cider (Magners), an unprecedented gas attack (bum yikes), and hours of off-colour games and tales, I did manage to get to sleep. But not until I'd produced such koans as "My bum is bum-shaped. I can tell with my feet," "Time is an antelope in an apron," and "My butt smells like a prisoner." And at some point during the night, my lungs decided to have another freak-out. I'm still waiting for them to relax again.

This morning I went to the St. Jacobs Farmers Market where I was eventually overwhelmed by agoraphobia. I'm somewhat misanthropic, and being surrounded by the press of so many people wears on me until eventually all I want to do is become a hermit forever and ever amen. So after too much wandering about, I finally headed back to the car and sat on the pavement under the hot sun playing sudoku until my companions were through their shopping. When we got back home, everyone wanted to go directly to the multicultural festival, but I was still peopled out.

I told them to go on without me, but instead, we relaxed at home for a few hours watching Robot Chicken and playing Settlers of Catan before venturing out again. Again, there were far too many people for my liking, but I did get to admire the waterfowl and a couple of cute boys (one with a crazy spiked hair-do) who were doing capoiera.

Tomorrow's my turn at the festival in Victoria Park, when I'll be dancing after [info]snowy_kathryn on the main stage around 18:45. After taking a look at the stage today, I've decided against wearing my asstastic pants. The floor is rough and filthy, either of which could wreck my fancy new pants. So I'll be looking through my wardrobe for my most expendable costumes. Perhaps I'll wear my sproingy black pants. If something happens to them, I won't be too broken up....

Here. Have some links.

Skeleton Motorcycle: Ride or die. I think I need this travesty (thanks, [info]gha5t)...

Don't Look: Very NSFW. The geography of this confuses me.

Pet hippo becomes a weighty problem: I so want a pet hippo, but don't think it would fit in my bathtub.

Science Freak: Van der Graaf generators are scary when they're this big (thanks, [info]f00dave).

The Residents - Medicine Man: I heart The Residents. Their videos and music bend my brain.

CK 'banned' ads: Clever and so very, very creepy. My brain feels so dirty after watching these.

I Get Email: The dinosaurs are a ploy to get people using birth control. Or something like that (thanks, [info]g026r).

If the shoe doesn’t fit . . .: In Cinderella, when the ugly stepsisters can't fit their feet into the glass slipper, they go through extreme pains to force the fit. Meet the cosmetic surgeons who'd like to help them (thanks, [info]tdj).
link4 comments|post comment

A Pain That I'm Used To [Jun. 20th, 2007|11:15 am]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood | tired]
[music |Depeche Mode - A Pain That I'm Used To]

I woke up again this morning feeling like someone's sitting on my chest. Bah.

Last night's emergency belly dance class went over pretty well. There was a hiphop class scheduled, and the instructor was stranded in Toronto, so I was begged to come in and do a free belly dance class for any disappointed hiphoppers. I worked on movements which I thought would translate well into hiphop: articulated undulations, hip raises, vertical figure 8s (maya and fish), chest lifts and drops, Egyptian shimmies, and a quick and dirty introduction to kneeling backbends. That was a lot of material for one class, and I know they were left overwhelmed, but from my experience of hiphop classes, students expect to be given a flurry of movements (without necessarily getting a lot of technique).

A few of the students looked at me with blatant dubiousness, but when they started the exercises, I saw a lot of surprise. "Wow," said one girl. "This isn't nearly as easy as it looks."

No shit.

By the end of the class, I think I'd won most of them over, and a few were asking about when my classes were offered. Maybe I'll have a few new students. That would be nice....

I teach again tonight: the seniors' class. I'm still working the kinks out of my teaching methodology. Several of my students have hip/knee/joint issues, so getting up and down off the floor is tricky. I've worked out a few compromises involving sitting backwards in chairs, but I still need to shuffle up the order of my warm-up exercises to minimize the getting up and down again.

What am I teaching them tonight? I'd better check....

Aha. Chest lifts/drops, pelvic tucks/releases, and belly pops/tucks. I doubt I'll get through all of that, because they still need to review a few basic movements (hip/rib slides and circles), but we'll get some new stuff in there for them. It's a pretty huge class (about 25 people), and I am constantly on the move, checking posture and alignment. I wish the class were broken into two. Twenty-five people is too much, especially when there are issues with joints and brittle bones. I think it's especially critical to give one-on-one attention to the aged. Just one sudden hyper-extension could end very badly. Yikes.

That being said, the older classes are a lot of fun. These ladies crack me up. And they often have a lot more energy and tenacity than students forty years younger.

...

Time for links.

Ex-Cop Sells Pot Tips on DVD: "Barry Cooper sells a DVD on how to stash pot in your car without getting caught. This fall he will release a second one on how to keep police from raiding your home for marijuana. Now for the kicker: Cooper is a former narcotics officer once considered among the top cops in Texas, where more marijuana is seized each year than in any other state."

A portrait of Alzheimer's: "An artist's self-portraits, as he battled against Alzheimer's disease, have given doctors a remarkable insight into how the condition affected his brain."

Xenomorph in Lego: H.R. Giger in Lego (thanks, [info]tdj).

Asthma Story: "A friend of ours who is a pharmacist then found fascinating new research by Dr. David Hahn in medical journals about the bacteria Chlamydia pneumoniae (and mycoplasma) and the interesting link it has to being a possible cause of asthma. These studies indicate this research may be of benefit to 50% or more of adults and children diagnosed with asthma."

Johnny Depp's tasty opening: Ha!

alli: Miracle diet pill with teeny-tiny side effect: It's the return of Olestra and the joy of shitting one's pants (thanks, [info]gha5t).
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I'll Huff and I'll Puff.... [Jun. 19th, 2007|06:34 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[mood | busy]
[music |Raymond Scott - Powerhouse]

Oh wow. I think my salbutamol puffer actually did something, for the first time in a couple of weeks. My coughing feels productive, instead of dry and pointless. Keep it coming, lungs. Keep it coming....

It looks like I'm doing an emergency fill-in at the dance studio tonight. The hiphop teacher is trapped in Toronto, so I'll be doing a free belly dance class for any hiphoppers who want to try it out. I'm still feeling lung-woozy, but I think I could teach a little bit of floorwork, chest isolations, and maybe some hair tosses. That might keep 'em happy....

Alas, but no kung fu for me tonight. I think that one dance class is going to shag me right the fuck out.

Someday, hopefully within the next week or so, I'll be able to train heavily again. Until then, go go gadget lungs! You can do it!

....

My novel-writing is dragging today. I'm having difficulty getting into this particular section. Everything feels too far removed from the action. Ah well. I'll put down the bare bones, and breath some life into it afterwards.
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Goosed into Action [Jun. 19th, 2007|02:43 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood | righteous indignation]
[music |Depeche Mode - Little 15]

Damnit, Shan! Just pick a place in the story and start writing! You can always stick things together in the right order later on.

...

In better news, my lungs no longer feel like they're caught in a vice grip. They're still not good, but they are definitely better. Is it the weather? Is it the steroids? I don't care which, as long as the improvement continues.

I'm dressed oddly today: navy business skort, long messy hair, and [info]f00dave's dove grey Kiev Hard Rock Marijuana Café t-shirt. This is a bizarre look, for sure. It confused [info]snowy_kathryn. It confuses me. But it's definitely comfy.

...

I recently posted about the geese at the local park. It looks like the geese will be no more, thanks to people's fear of poop. This article pisses me off a lot. The geese, which are currently unable to fly because of moulting, are about to be victimized by a systemic harassment. They'll be chased by "specially trained" dogs, set upon at night by people with laser pointers, and generally chased and tormented. Why? Because there's poop in the pond and along the waterways, and it looks and smells yucky, and parks are for people, not birds, damnit! And parks unpopulated by wildlife are better for property values, apparently.

This is notwithstanding the signs which say that anyone caught molesting the birds can expect to pay fines or serve a jail sentence. So what suddenly makes this wildlife protection rule so inconvenient? The fact that geese can't be toilet trained?

The geese, by the way, don't bother hanging out in places like the playground and don't stray far into the field where people picnic and play soccer, but keep to the water areas, or the near end of the field where they keep the grass neatly cropped. The lawns are greener for the attention, too. People might not like goose poop, but plants do.

If you don't like the look, sound, and smell of animals, don't live near them, and walk elsewhere in the park. Sheesh.

I'm of half a mind to dress up as a giant goose in a cape and hang out at the park at nights avenging the geese.
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[Jun. 17th, 2007|04:39 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood | uncomfortable]
[music |Covenant - Unforgiven]

There's got to be something wrong with me. I'm starting to really get into the music of Wolf Eyes. There can't be many people on this planet who can listen to this stuff.

In other news, I still have a mad crush on Covenant. I love these guys, and they're all on my List.

I think it's time to jump in the tub and hope the hot water and steam will alleviate the apparent excoriation of my lungs. I'll read a book on the origin of children's rhymes just to keep my brain occupied.

Do I game tonight? I sure hope so. My dreams have been filled with what-if scenarios. I need to know what happens next!
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I Am a Thing of Beauty [Jun. 17th, 2007|02:15 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood | asthmatic!]
[music | f00 playing a video game]

I think the steroids are beginning to work their magic. My chest, which has been tight and hot (great for other organs, perhaps) for about two weeks, finally loosened this morning, and I spent my waking up moments having juicy coughs and jettisoning hot lung butter. Now the top of my lungs feels more relaxed, but the bottoms are still a bit seized up. Here's hoping the steroids will continue their good work so that I'll be ok for my dance performance next weekend!

Everyday minimal movement is tricky with malfunctioning lungs, let alone the more strenuous stuff I'm accustomed to. I've been really tired and lacking in energy for quite some time, and the thoughts of my four-class dance day tomorrow leave me in a state of trepidation. I'll just pace myself. I'm good at that.

I have new pictures up! Want to see?

Here are my lovely, lovely pole dance arms

[Home-made tattoos]


And here's my stint as a zombie beauty queen. Sometimes a lacklustre look really works for me. Go go zombie asthma!

[Zombie Shan]


[Zombie Shan]


[Zombie Shan]


[Zombie Shan]


A video is forthcoming....

Edit: If those photos aren't working for you because you need a Facebook account, try this link. You can either wade through a variety of pictures of me (some are NSFW) until you get to the end, or just skip to the second page of 'em.

And here are pictures from my 14th 23rd birthday party. Yummy!
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Lungpire [Jun. 15th, 2007|08:20 am]
[Tags|, ]
[mood | blah]
[music |Even more construction]

After 2 and a half hours spent waiting in emergency yesterday, I was finally put on a ventolin vapour mask. The stuff tastes something like nasty chalk dust. I was on the mask for about half an hour. By the end, I was so weak that holding my book was taking almost all of my strength. That ventolin shit gave me some really bizarre physical sensations. Although it didn't feel like my heart was racing, my heart rate was significantly elevated. You know how your fingers will tingle if they're regaining circulation? Magnify that by a hundred or so, and that's what mine felt like. They were buzzing as though electrocuted, and the sensation spread to other body parts, including my chin, my thighs, and my feet. I kept having little muscular twitches along the sides of my abdomen. And I was also getting really, really spacey.

When the mask ride was through, a respiration specialist came by to check my lung capacity. He wanted me to sit up, so I forced myself upright, then sagged down onto one arm. He said I needed to sit upright without leaning, and I struggled to do just that. Sitting up just once was about as tiring as doing a 400th push-up.

The odd thing is, my lung capacity test, administered both before and after the ventolin mask, came out with excellent results. I was asked if I still felt short of breath, and that's a question that confused me. I could breathe in and out just fine, but felt like the oxygen wasn't actually doing much while it was in my lungs. Is that what they mean by short of breath? I thought short of breath is that feeling you have after sprinting full speed for an extended period of time, where you're breathing fast and hard and can't get enough air to appease your tortured lungs. Anyhow, I didn't feel like that at all on the onset, although after the ventolin, exhaling took more effort than it had prior. I can't say I felt any better, although my coughing had eased somewhat.

So my lungs are "excellent," yet the doctor felt it necessary to prescribe two steroids to strengthen my lungs. Maybe that will help.

No one addressed my sudden laryngitis. It remains inexplicable to me. I don't have a sore throat or a cold. I was asked if I had seasonal allergies, but I doubt this. My eyes are never red and swollen, and my sinuses don't bother me during pollen season.

After 3.5 hours, I was allowed to leave. By that time, much of the shakiness had worn off, partially due to the ventolin wearing off, and partially due to my conscientious efforts to slow my pulse rate (this is a process I use whenever doing strenuous physical activity, too).

But last night, my lungs were seizing up on me again, and I had to take my puffer. I was also rather exhausted, and begged off on kung fu.

If my lungs are so excellent, how come breathing is so uneconomical/difficult, and how come my voice is still gone? And how do I get an effective workout while I'm in the throes of this respiratory hell? Gah.

....

I went to the library the other day to gather more information on Elisabet Bathory, but was stymied. There's a real dearth of material on her. The book I read in my undergrad years (Raymond T. McNally's sensationally-titled Dracula Was a Woman) has been out of print for quite some time, but if I'm lucky, I might be able to get it on an interlibrary loan.

The only book available at the library is in Hungarian, and is a translation of an English novel. I don't read Hungarian. And although novels interest me, I'm more interested in nonfiction.

Besides, I think I've already read Andrei Codrescu's The Blood Countess.

Other Bathory-themed books include:

The Trouble with the Pears: An intimate portrait of Erzsebet Bathory by Gia Bathory Al Babel (Can you believe that name?)
The Bloody Countess: Atrocities of Erzsebet Bathory by Valentine Penrose
Countess Dracula by Tony Thorne
The Blood Countess, Erzebet Bathory of Hungary: A Gothic Horror Poem of Violence and Rage by Robert Peters

After a bit of online research, I was able to locate a couple sites of interest:

The Crime Library's take on Elisabeth Bathory: Interesting introduction, but not exactly the best documented information. This doesn't tell me anything I didn't already know.

Elizabeth Bathory: The Opera: Although the author claims not to be a historical authority on Elisabet, this site contains some illuminating photos of her castle and the view she would have had from her prison cell, and it also discusses a few details I haven't seen elsewhere. I'd love to see the opera, too!

Did you know Elisabet Bathory kept diaries? Purportedly, she wrote about everything she did, and everyone she killed in them. These diaries have never been published. What the hell? How can this be?

And on a tangential note, I've also found some interesting sites on Vlad Tepes/Dracula, some of which makes mention of the Blood Countess.

Journal of Dracula Studies: Lots of scholarly articles. I have a lot of reading ahead of me.

Transylvanian Society of Dracula Canadian Chapter: As run by Dr. Elizabeth Miller, who "is recognized internationally for her expertise on Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula – its origins in folklore, literature and history, as well as its influence on the cultrue (sic) of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries." I see she will be giving a lecture in Toronto this fall, and have fired off an email asking for more information. I'd like to attend!

.....

Link time.

Heat halts pain inside the body: Hmm. I wonder if this actually helps me any. I've never noticed using a hot water bottle helped ease my cramps, and hot baths may feel good to me, but I can't say they've ever reduced pain. Then again, I suspect my pain receptors act in very different ways than other people's (thanks, [info]f00dave).

City of Seattle may ban microwave popcorn: I guess every city needs a ridiculous law. What crazy laws does your city have?

The Coin Bra: A Tutorial: How to make a tribal dance bra.

No One Will Walk - All Will Have Wheels: The Segway isn't really all that new. It was conceptualized as early as 1900.

Tragedy & Hype: The Third International Soy Symposium: Soy is not a health food (thanks, [info]sarcasm_hime).
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Picture This [Jun. 14th, 2007|11:03 am]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood | asthma!]
[music |mucho construction]

I just posted a bunch of photos, if you'd care to take a look. I've got everything from Skinny Puppy to nasturtiums and knives on there.

I also baked a gorgeous rhubarb pie this morning, but I don't have any photos of it yet. It's a beaut. I hope it tastes as good as it looks.

And now I'm going to grab some food before going to the hospital. My breathing sucks worse today than it did last night. Ugh.

But first, some links:

Pirate Ship Made of Hair: I think you'll like this one, [info]elanya.

Baby simulators make students realize how much work infants can be: Like that exercise where you carry an egg everywhere with you, only ramped up a few notches.

Quackbuster causes too much flak for university: Grr. "Professor David Colquhoun FRS - one of the most eminent scientists in the UK - has been forced to remove his quackbusting blog from the UCL servers where it has lived for many years, after complaints from disgruntled alternative therapists."

The Only Time You Will See A Picture Of One Of My Patients: An EMT saves an unusual patient (and yes, everything turned out ok for the patient).

LOL Trek: I can't remember if I shared this with you before or not.

Ask a silly question: I wish I'd been there for this exchange (thanks, [info]f00dave)!

911 operators did little to help dying woman in ER: So you get to the hospital and the doctors won't even check you out. If you call 911, no one will help you, because you're already at a hospital. Joy.

My visit will be better. I know it.
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Brother, Can You Spare a Lung? [Jun. 13th, 2007|10:21 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood | asthma!]
[music |Covenant - Like Tears in Rain]

Remember that pike pole spin I couldn't do yesterday? I was able to do it today with one little hint from a different teacher. It's not pretty, but pretty will come with practice. Callouses on the inside edge of my biceps will also come, hopefully before the skin tears itself off. I thought metal-working was hard on the skin. Pole dancing is more so! Well, maybe I won't get chemical burns, cracked hands, and critically dry epidermis from pole spinning, but I didn't get friction burns on my inner thighs, wrists, knees, and inner arms from soldering and sanding. Yeowch!

I got looking at my workout routine from a year ago, and I've been seriously slacking. It really showed when I went to put on a pair of shorts I wore last summer and couldn't get the zipper up without some serious gut-sucking. Of course, I wasn't drinking any beer last summer, either. Uh oh....

Although I get far more exercise than the average person, I'm still out of shape! Must get back into fine fettle. Must!

But first, I must get my lungs working properly. It's hard to exercise when exercise makes it far more difficult to breathe. Stupid vicious circles. Boo.

The lungs were working fine all day after my dentist attack, but when I put my rotary fan on the desk so that it was blowing at my face, it seems to have brought the asthma back. I wonder why that is? It's blowing at my feet, now, but the damage has already been done. So I guess it's off to the hospital I go in the morning. Good thing I have a good book to read....
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Poop on a Stick! [Jun. 13th, 2007|12:00 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[mood | irritated]
[music |Dioxyde - Words Of Judas (Supreme Court Mix)]

That was one of the quickest dentist visits in a long time, and a rather illuminating one, at that. While reclining in the chair in a somewhat inverted position, my laboured asthmatic breathing eased itself into normalcy. Considering stress is one of my asthma triggers, I doubt the dentist himself was my panacea. Instead, I think it was the reclining with my head down position. Then again, it could have been the freezing. That stuff always fucks me up and makes me feel high. Hmm...

So no more dental work, barring accidents. I am supposed to get a sleep guard, though, because I've been grinding/clenching my teeth in my sleep, which is what's been causing all this damage in the first place. The shitty news is that all this dental work has chewed (heh) through all my dental insurance coverage, and I can't afford the retainer. Neither can I afford new glasses (my lenses are screwed, and really difficult to see through), because they're not covered by insurance at all. Gah!

[info]doyce sent me a link about how a 115-year-old harpoon tip was found in a whale. The article has an excited tone, because now we know that whales live over a century. I think this is a hasty assumption. I think this doesn't prove whales are old, but that 19th-century whalers have developed time travel technology.

And a recent conversation with [info]chernobylred led me to Hello Kitty Hell, which features all sorts of ridiculous paraphernalia, including Hello Kitty red wine. Yuck!

This story pisses me off. A woman is charged with stealing three rolls of toilet paper and may go to prison for three years. The police chief reacts with stellar maturity by laughing because her last name is Butts. Get it? Three years for toilet paper. No wonder the American prison system is so overburdened.
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