Because Nudity is Only Skin-Deep [entries|archive|friends|userinfo] The ShanMonster [ website | The ShanMonster Page ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ archive | journal archive ]

Wilt [May. 9th, 2008|08:24 am] [ Tags | asthma, dance, gym, kung fu, links ] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | construction ] My lungs feel like a bouquet being held too tightly at the bottom. It's crushing the stems and making the flowers wilt, damnit. My energy levels are way down. All I've been doing this week, it seems, is napping or sitting on my ass. I want to get back to dance and kung fu classes next week, but I'm not so sure my lungs will comply. Nevertheless, I did go for a decent walk yesterday, some calisthenics and my seniors' dance class the day before, and a run the day before that. I teach dance tonight. And I want to go for another run. Maybe I'll get some dance practice in today. Let's see how that goes. Dancing. Yeah. I want to do a lot more of that. I recently got a copy of Ariellah's drilling DVD, and am eager to give it another try. ---------- Wow. I just remembered it's my anniversary this month (14th!). Umm, f00dave, what do you want to do for it? My weekends are full, but I have a raincheck for plans I've been making for some time. ---------- My tabs are filling up again. Have some tasty links. Steampunk Star Wars: I'm pretty sure I linked to this before, but papajoemambo's post made me want to link to it again. You know what I want to see? Steampunk renditions of other 70s pop culture: Diff'rent Strokes, Jabberjaws, Towering Inferno, etc. Plantimals: Corns have ears. Potatoes have eyes. These have, well.... My Beautiful Mommy: Children's book about plastic surgery. 50 Greatest Commercial Parodies of All Time: Cute. The Ultimate Showdown of Homosexuality: NSFW. Just as brilliant as The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, but far more nekkid. Katar Gallery: These are some almighty gorgeous daggers, and if I still had the facilities, I'd make one for myself. Smell Yo Dick: Oh, pop music. How I love you so. link 7 comments|post comment

Eedjit [Apr. 21st, 2008|07:28 pm] [ Tags | dance, gym ] [ mood | embarrassed ] I'm a moron. It's a gorgeous, hot day today. I went for a run, and more than doubled what I last did. I ran all the way to the park, did a lap of the park, then ran all the way back home without needing to stop. This is a record for me, and also proves to me that I'm not necessarily hopeless, after all. Then, when I got home, I did scads of housework. Then I did about an hour of dance practice and crashed. Hard. My eyes felt like they each weighed about five pounds. My muscles were killing me. I was exhausted. My head hurt. And I had to go teach dance class in half an hour. Then, about fifteen minutes before I had to leave for class, I realized what was wrong with me. I hadn't had anything to drink today aside from a cup of tea for breakfast. Damn, but I'm a twit. So now I keep a half litre of water on my desk so I don't forget to hydrate. Gah! link 1 comment|post comment

My Desk [Apr. 17th, 2008|11:51 am] [ Tags | asthma, gym ] [ mood | weird ] [ music | Sinead O'Connor - Troy ] I just got back from another run. I can't get over how much I've improved in my running since this time last year. I hadn't been running for almost a year, and I can easily triple what I did before, and I'm nowhere near as tired. I think it's because my asthma meds are doing their job. I wasn't on meds last year, aside from the occasional ventolin puff in an emergency. In a couple of minutes, I'm going to go for an hour-long bike ride. And tonight, I do tap dance class and kung fu. Booyeah. The biggest effort I need to accomplish next week is a clean-up job, though. My office is a disaster, and I have to clean it up because I'll be getting a roommate for the summer, and guess where she'll be staying? In my office. Take my desk, for example. It's a mess. A weird, kooky mess. From a very cursory glance I see: An Oojami cd an ink cartidge that won't fit my printer a silver mirror a children's book on bloodletting written in a language I can't identify a box os dark chocolate with caramelized pistachio pieces a package of large googly eyes notes from a Midori workshop on sex bondage a tub of lipgloss over ten years of age a dental pick costume jewellery a photo of me grabbing my crotch and flashing the devil horns jade beads star-shaped rivets a wineskin a red helium balloon attached to my mouse a spool of metallic thread That's without picking anything up to see what's under it, too. Am I just imagining things, or is that a bizarre list of stuff? I mean, it didn't seem strange to me until I listed it out, and now I'm feeling just a little bit peculiar. link 7 comments|post comment

Raar! [Apr. 15th, 2008|07:24 pm] [ Tags | dance, gym, kung fu ] [ mood | determined ] My legs feel like half-set gelatin. Where did all my muscles go? If I keep exercising, I know I'll find 'em again! At 4:30 or so, I went for a run. At 6, I went to pole class. In a few minutes, I leave for kung fu. I want to start going to morning kung fu again, which adds another hour of cycling to the mix. Gonna pump that body to the top! link post comment

With My Own Two Hands to Stand On [Apr. 3rd, 2008|01:59 pm] [ Tags | gym, links ] [ mood | exanimate ] [ music | Gary Numan - Scanner ] Monday, I did my first-ever full handstand (with a wall at my back). It was much easier to do than I thought it would be, and I suspect that with just a bit of practice, I can do push-ups from that position. I just think I need a spotter for a while until I get my balance figured out. I did laundry, too, but it wasn't as exhilarating a sensation. Yesterday, I went to a gym for the first time in ages, and was on the verge of being offended by their promotional slogan: Winning is Losing. As far as I'm concerned, health and fitness is the goal, and not never too rich, never too thin. Hell, the more I work out, the heavier I get. At my biggest, I was 155 pounds, which according to those very useless BMI charts meant I was on the verge of obesity. As if. I'm hovering around 138 pounds, right now. My muscles are falling off! But so is my fat. I'm feeling lean and strong, and am glad to be biking regularly again. More links? Ok. Medication 'worsens Alzheimer's': "Anti-psychotic drugs commonly given to Alzheimer's patients often make their condition worse, a UK study suggests." Tom Gleeson - You're Beautiful - take on James Blunt Song: "Listen to this guy's explanation of the song. I bet you didn't think about this song from the boyfriend's perspective. Imagine, you're hanging out with your girl on the train and psycho James Blunt is starting to hit on her all of a sudden." Smallest Girl in the world due to Primordial Dwarfism: Does anyone else remember "The Littles"? Man Caught Having Sex with a Picnic Table: I hear it was just asking for it.... When Pterodactyls Attack: NSFW. I've probably linked to this before, but it's worth a second look. One of my favourite strange porns. Developer sues to recover 9/11 costs: "The developer of the World Trade Center in New York is seeking $12.3 billion in damages from the airlines and other companies associated with the September 11 terrorist attacks." Convicted Molester Claims He Was A Victim of Bigfoot: I've got to say, the picture shows a man wearing the haunted expression of someone who may have been diddled by Sasquatch. link 7 comments|post comment

Random Video Clip du Jour [Feb. 21st, 2008|11:09 am] [ Tags | fiction, gym, jewellery ] [ mood | tired ] I never did get into watching WWF WWE, but it was more because I had no television than because of any disinterest. I mean, how can someone not watch this and be filled with snickery admiration for the Rock's over-the-top charisma? In other news, a pear tried to kill me last night. I took a bite out of a pear, and it was far too squishy, and had a strange fizzy texture. Before I could stop myself, I'd swallowed that bite, and for the next few hours, Armageddon was fought within my digestive system. I'm not sure who won, but I'm not dead yet. Remember, when it comes to fizzy pears, spit--don't swallow. .... At long last, my plans for running up and down the stairs of my building like some sort of hamster have come to fruition. I did it yesterday, and didn't die. My calves are hard packets of potatoes today, though. They ache and feel on the verge of charlie horse. Every time I do some sort of exercise that works my calves, this happens. I'm not sure how to make it stop, aside from not exercising those muscles, but I don't want to end up with ham thighs and pipecleaner calves. So what's a gal to do? .... I have a new computer. Well, it's a hand-me-down, but it's still new to me. I'm currently trying out an iMac. So far, it's working out ok, although this keyboard has to go. I miss my split keyboard. This one is carpal tunnelicious, and a bunch of the keys stick, or occasionally those keys just go on strike and don't work at all. I still have to transfer a lot of files over from my old computer. I want to do a site update (I received a couple of awesome testimonials for my dance pages). .... Yesterday, some stone beads arrived in the mail. For the first time in about two years, I'm getting the jewellery-making itch. I'm fairly limited in what I can do (no hot work, no saws), but I can still do some wire and bead work. We shall see... .... It looks like this weekend I might be volunteering to read BDSM fiction at a workshop. I might be just reading other people's works, but if I can sneak in some of my own porn, I might do that. Mwahahaha! link 1 comment|post comment

Reading My Own Future [Feb. 11th, 2008|02:57 pm] [ Tags | dance, gaming, gym, kung fu ] [ mood | sore ] [ music | The Decemberists - O Valencia! ] I had a busy weekend planned, but it was cut in half when I took a glorious fall during a game of dodge ball and failed at breaking my hip. I did succeed in decreasing my range of movement and increasing my personal experience with pain. Since the swelling made it feel like my hip wanted to pop out of joint, I kept myself hopped up on anti-inflammatories and skipped yesterday's kung fu seminar. My hip feels better for it. Today I can walk like a normal person, instead of shambling like a zombie pirate. Good thing, too, because I have a dance class to teach in a couple of hours. Since schwartzung and I seem to be taking turns with falls, and since there appears to be an escalation in severity, he'd better look out because his next fall shall surely kill him. So, what's coming up? More dance. I'm miffed that my floorwork class has been canceled. I was getting a great workout out of it, not to mention getting some good practice at floor transitions. Alas, but I think it was canceled because the exercises intimidated students away. It's very physically demanding. And yes, if you're not used to the exercises, you're going to be damned sore for a few days afterwards. No wonder floorwork is a dying art. People are too wussy as a rule to stick with it. That being said, not teaching the class frees up a bit more time for me to take dance classes. I've never tried tap dance before. That's what's filling the time slot, so I'll give it a go. Also, a pole routines class is beginning on Mondays (I'll start next week), and there's a drop-in ballet class fairly close to wear I teach my Wednesday class. I'll start doing that as soon as the weather gets decent enough to walk/bike in without destroying my lungs. And joining CADA should make it much easier to attend dance workshops. More kung fu. I've missed so many classes because of my asthma, but my lungs are finally starting to go back to what they should be. And the kwoon is getting a wooden dummy, so I'm looking forward to training on that. More gaming. It looks like LARP will be happening monthly. Hopefully, I won't be breaking parts of my body at every event. If you're in the Toronto area and want to play, check out Underworld. I'm the bitchy dark elf with the leather armour. More writing. I'm behind on my fiction writing, although my poetry production is way, way up from where it's been over the past decade. I'm not sure what's making me so bardlike, but I'm not going to argue with where the muse is taking me. More concerts. Henry Rollins is coming up soon. So is Ministry. I'll be at both shows. It looks like I'll be performing in a few more shows, too, but I don't have dates for them yet. More exercise. I was planning to do stair training starting today, but I'm saving my hip for tonight's dance class. If I feel fine, then every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I'm going to be zooming up and down the seventeen or so stories of my building a few times to get my cardio back up to snuff. Who needs stairmasters when you live in a high-rise apartment building? And now that I have my stripper pole set up in my studio, I'm doing drive-by chin-ups and pseudo-flagpoles. Once the weather turns nice, I want to start running again, too. More costume design. I started work on a black leather dance costume a few months back, and I really want to finish it. I also have ideas in my head for more PVC and leather outfits, as well as the usual textile joy with silk, velvet, etc. More costume writing. I really need to complete my new dance costuming book and get it to print. I need money, and this is a guaranteed income, so I've got to get my arse in gear. .... Link time! Check out the trailer for the new Thai martial art flick Chocolate. Now that girl's no wuss. Mr. Urethra, Meet Mr. Anus: NSFW. And no. Just no (thanks, warren_ellis). link 4 comments|post comment

Kill or Cure, and Attack of the Killer Nerd [Jan. 16th, 2008|11:16 am] [ Tags | dance, gaming, gym, kung fu ] [ mood | determined ] [ music | a fan ] For various reasons including asthma and holidays, I've not been working out regularly for over a month. Last night, I crawled back on the wagon with four hours of exercise. I started with an hour of pole dance, and that left me worried about the rest of the night. Normally, the leg section of the class goes by as easy as pie. This time, my legs were quivering and burning with lactic acid. This did not bode well. After all, when pole dance was over, I had to hustle my arse over to kung fu where the leg workout is significantly greater. And sure enough, I was to do 160 Hindu squats in a row. By the time I reached 100, I could barely get my body low to the ground. But around 130, I decided to hell with it all. I was going to do them right, and just forget how sore I was. And so I did them. In fact, for the last ten, I decided to add a jump after each squat. We played sticky hands for a while after that, and my legs were all but useless to me. I fell a lot more than usual, to be sure. I'll see how my legs hold up for me tonight when I start teaching my new session of seniors' dance classes. I'm now teaching two back-to-back on Wednesday nights. And tomorrow, I teach floorwork, then proceed directly to kung fu to die another muscley death. This is like some sort of brutal kill or cure technique, this going from sitting on my arse for a month to two to four hours of exercise a night, isn't it? .... On Saturday, after I did my Cambodian dance workshop, I donned elf ears, armour, and black makeup and went to another LARP event. I was waylaid by bandits twice, and got dragged by the ankle into the keep by party members. The setting for this event was a tournament hosted by a baron in honour of our heroic actions at the last event (where we rid a wood of some demonic evil or another). After I received by certificate of heroism, I entered all of the competitions: throwing accuracy, wits, entertainment, and a grand mélée. After all, who doesn't want to win fabulous prizes? I did decently enough at the throwing accuracy competition, but was disqualified when one of my feet slipped ahead of the line. D'oh! The wits competition was comprised of two pages of riddles and brain-teasers. My group (which I've dubbed Team Hot Chick) worked together on the answers. Next up was the entertainment competition wherein I learned I have transferable skills. I did a sword dance, balancing a boffer weapon on my head while I did a back bend and a roll-over. I felt like a huge dork while doing it, but managed to keep a straight face the whole time. One of my slaves, Elly, sang a song for her entry, and we tied for first place. In the next round of the entertainment competition, we had to perform in an entirely different style than we'd already done. The winner would be decided by audience applause. Elly chose to tell a bawdy joke. I chose to sing Dark Eyes in Russian (although my version seems a bit different from this one). When it came time for Elly's applause to be measured, she received a good round of applause. When I stood for mine, I had applause and cheering. The Baron addressed the crowd and said, "I think it is obvious who the winner is. The prize goes to Elly!" I wasn't at all surprised. The Baron had already made it abundantly clear to me that he was a racist bastard by this point. So when it came time for me to hand in my sheet with the answers to the riddles, I crossed out my name and put in the name of our sergeant, instead. (We didn't win this one, but no matter.) Up next was the grand mélée. I fought the Baron's guard, and although I lost, I think I did decently enough for myself. Frankly, I was surprised I had the energy in me to fight that long while wearing very heavy armour and face paint, especially considering I'd already spent the morning dancing in the Cambodian style. I won't say what other devious things I got up to in the game lest spies are reading this entry, but suffice it to say I'm quite pleased with the way Team Hot Chick ended the night. I think I'll be doing another event some time next month. Maybe my armour will be even closer to completion, then! See that? From left to right, it's Elly, Jun, and Di'ikh Aiah. We are the Nerd Brigade Team Hot Chick. Wanna see more? link 6 comments|post comment

Well, Now [Nov. 20th, 2007|09:59 am] [ Tags | asthma, gym ] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | Santa Hates You - Pantheon ] A couple of weeks ago, I felt like a superhero. I was running and fighting and stalking for hours on end without getting tired. I was doing intense physical exercises without getting shagged out, and then I was biking home afterwards, again, without being tired. I guess I was thinking this was some sort of pseudo height of my biorhythm sort of bullshit, but when I woke up this morning, it was with a sudden realization: What if this is just what I feel like when my lungs are working properly? If this is the case, then damn. I am in good shape. Now, if I can just keep my lungs in good working order, the world is my trampoline. link 1 comment|post comment

Maintenance [Nov. 14th, 2007|01:32 am] [ Tags | dance, floorwork, gym, kung fu ] [ mood | determined ] I'm going to cancel my gym membership. It's not because I plan on slowing down my exercise regimen. It's because I really haven't been using the gym's services more than once every two weeks or so, and that's a huge money suck. I'm getting lots of exercise from cycling and from my kung fu and dance classes. Today I learned that by using just my arms I can climb at least partway up the pole. I have every intention of being able to scale the whole pole with just my arms. My biceps are bulging out to the sides now, rather than just getting "tall" when I flex. This is a first. After umpteen years of working out, I am finally getting some serious upper body strength. It's about freaking time. I've cut back on my caloric intake and improved on my food quality lately, and it's finally beginning to pay off again. My belly fat is melting off, and I've got the vaguest hint of a six-pack going on again. Booyeah. My sifu made some sounds today about possibly teaching Jeet Kun Do, too. If that happens, I might be there. It would be on Wednesday nights, and that's when I teach my seniors' class. If JKD is after the class, well, that just might work out. The Thursday floorwork class (taught after I do kung fu for a couple of hours and bike for an hour) continues to turn my students into wobbling heaps of jelly. Hell, even I feel the effects, albeit not nearly to the extent that they do. I plan on adding a new exercise to the regimen this week--something that will work leg and glute strength while also helping with cardio and flexibility. I might also do a few partner exercises for abdominal strength development. Mwahahaha! My class is up a flight of stairs, and one of my students said she's very glad there's a handrail, because she's scared she'd tumble down the stairs without one after my class. This week, I might be all weak, too, because after my floorwork class, I have to go on yet another bike ride to cash in a gift certificate I won as a door prize. link 4 comments|post comment

And She Knows How to Use Them [Oct. 6th, 2007|01:42 pm] [ Tags | dance, gym, links ] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | traffic ] On my way to dance class the other night, I was stopped by a woman with a parrot on her shoulder. "Great legs," she enthused. At first, I thought it was the parrot who had complimented me. But she repeated herself. "Your legs! They're awesome! They look so incredibly strong!" I thanked her, and told her I was on my way to dance class. "So that's why they're so strong," she said. Her parrot's name is Reefer, by the way.... So yes, I do have strong legs. But they're not so strong that Thursday's floorwork class left me unscathed. I led the class through 100 Hindu squats and 100 dragons. I hadn't done any dragons in a few months, but was happy to see they weren't impossible. We also did 25 side plank push-ups (per side), and I was feeling them by the last five or so. That morning, I'd done a wack of bridge push-ups, too. In case you don't know what they are, it's when you put yourself in a bridge position (hands and feet on the floor, belly arcing high), and then you raise and lower your upper body to the floor with your arms. Although regular push-ups are still quite the trial for me, these bridge push-ups require next to no effort for me. I'm not sure what it is I do that's left me so strong across the back and deltoids, but I'm not complaining. But I am sore pretty much everywhere today. Luckily enough, several massage therapists were running a fundraiser at the farmers' market this morning, so I got a 15-minute back massage. At the end, the therapist said it was frustrating because there was so much that needed to be done, and 15 minutes just didn't do the trick. I'm not complaining, though. My muscles feel much more relaxed and happy, now. Oh, and my massage therapist spins fire poi, too. We'll have to get together sometime and compare notes.... This afternoon shall be filled with feast preparations. I need to bake a couple of pumpkin pies and do up a batch of cranberry sauce. And tomorrow, I roast the turkey. I think realbethy and snowy_kathryn are doing the rest. I think this will be the first time I haven't prepared the whole feast myself. Are you ready for some links? I thought you might be. Enjoy! Kids in car during sex, drug bust: The mother of the year award may go to this women who turned tricks in a car with her kids in the back seat, and who snorted cocaine off her baby while it nursed from her. Brava. Daggers: Check the fourth one down for the tackiest novelty knife I've ever seen (thanks, g026r). Woman left in CT scanner after clinic closes: "A physician who works at the practice and knew of the incident told The Arizona Daily Star it’s not the first time such a thing has happened." Mormons Exposed: Buy a calendar of hunky Latter Day Saints. I must say I'm tempted, as conceptually I find this very amusing. All Hail Technoviking: I must say, he certainly has attitude! I wish technoviking would dance with me (thanks, schwartzung). Captive breeding 'weakens' beasts: "Animals bred in captivity to help conservation programmes can quickly become less fit for survival in the wild, research suggests." No shit, Sherlock. And people who rescue squirrels and have them nursed by their dogs or cats have created squirrels which will be eaten the first day they're released into the wild. In the Face of Death: Interesting article about the always-controversial Norwegian death metal scene. I find these guys fascinating! Martin: Genital Evolution: NSFW. An interview with a body modder. He brings himself to the cusp of Darwin Award status, only to pull himself back into the gene pool in the nick of time (thanks, warrenellis). In other news, Nivek Ogre of Skinny Puppy is currently in principle photography for a horror movie being filmed in Toronto: Repo: A Genetic Opera. One of his co-stars is Paris Hilton. I fear. link 3 comments|post comment

[Sep. 13th, 2007|12:07 pm] [ Tags | dance, gym, links ] [ mood | busy ] [ music | traffic ] I remembered! I remembered! Yes, I can now open my lock, and the numbers I thought it were were way off base. I think the number I was thinking of was for a previous lock. Go figure. Weights don't make sense today, given my schedule, but I'll do them tomorrow. Today is a day of dance, with three or four hours of shaking my arse around: hiphop, lyrical, then learning the choreography for "Thriller." You see, snowy_kathryn is organizing Thrill the World for Kitchener. On Saturday, I have another big day, with dance all morning (an ATS workshop with Les Trib'elles), a much-needed nap if I can swing it, and then weapons training in the early evening, more dance throughout the night with Khafif and company, and then I think I'm off to play let's-pretend until the wee hours. In the meantime, I've been making like a housewife and cleaning the hell out of the apartment, because not every hour of the day can be fun and excitement. I've got to keep myself centred (and the place smelling decent), you see. ... From la Comtesse deSpair comes this romantic piece of history: Bertrand de Born (1140-1214) was a French troubadour who expressed his love of battle in this touching verse: My heart is filled with gladness when I see Strong castles besieged, stockades broken and overwhelmed, Many vassals struck down, Horses of the dead and wounded roving at random. And when battle is joined, let all men of good lineage Think of naught but the breaking of heads and arms, For it is better to die than be vanquished and live. . . . I tell you I have no such joy as when I hear the shout "On! On!" from both sides and the neighing of riderless steeds, And groans of "Help me! Help me!" And when I see both great and small Fall in the ditches and on the grass And see the dead transfixed by spear shafts! Lords, mortgage your domains, castles, cities, But never give up war! Culled from: A Distant Mirror. ... Links? Sure. Don't mind if I do. London’s Harrods hires cobra to guard 62,000 pound shoes: If nothing else, it makes for a great photo op. Artist Opens First Plant Porn Theater: "It is very boring but that is part of the essence of pornography, that it is very repetitive." Graphic Exchange: A selection of imaginative graphic projects (thanks, f00dave). Super Mario: I've never seen anyone play guitars like this before. Wow (thanks, doyce). Shock Absorber Bounceometer: This sports bra page contains some very entertaining (and NSFW) animations of what boobs look like during exercise nude, in a regular bra, and in one of the fancy sports bras. It's completely unrealistic but entertaining. oldermaleanamia's first video: A 65-year-old anorexic man puts together a "thinspiration" video for all those people out there aspiring to get themselves eating disorders. If you think this is just plain ridiculous, read all the gushing praise and thanks in the comments and weep. "Wow, 65 yrs old? You're a few years younger than my grandpa. This video made me realize that people of all ages and gender CAN get an ED..." You Likely Won't Want to Click Here: Unless, as warrenellis says, you want to see "Ramming a steel rod through my scrotum and pierced penis, making it look kind of like a dead, impaled baby alien." Must I say this is NSFW? I didn't think so. Arrested For Salting A Police Officer: Although I don't think putting too much salt on someone's burger is a very nice thing to do, neither do I think it's something that should land you in jail. Vulva: Umm, NSFW, unless you're in the... Never mind. It's just plain NSFW. "The precious vaginal odour filled into a small glass phial. The phial is shaken gently, only a tiny amount of the precious, organic substance is applied onto the back of the hand...and the irresistible smell that exudes from a sensuous vagina immediately intensifies your erotic fantasies and starts the film rolling in your head..." link 8 comments|post comment

Locked Out [Sep. 12th, 2007|02:30 pm] [ Tags | gym, links ] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | In Strict Confidence - Fading Light ] So I was all set to go to the gym to pump some iron when I realized I can't remember the combination for my lock. I don't want to leave my wallet unattended, so I guess I have to buy myself a new lock. Curse my faulty memory! In the meantime, I guess I'll work out at home, sans weights. Wait! 18, 32, 24? Nope. In other news, my ticket to see Henry Rollins should be coming in any time. I'm really looking forward to the show! 9, 12, 24? No, that's not it, either. Damn. Link time. Pretend to be a Time Traveller Day: I think this looks like a boatload of fun (thanks, f00dave)! Alex, a parrot with gift of gab, dies: He was only 31, which is pretty young for a parrot (thanks, doyce). Hillbilly How-to: turn any old tv into a flat panel: Up next, how to turn your flat panel into a cabinet TV. Minnesota Toe Licker Nabbed: Featuring a truly great mug shot. Walmart Tries To Steal Shopper's Baby: These department store detention stories are getting wilder and wilder. I'm still waiting on a more official version of this story.... Remains of ancient beast found in N.W.T. permafrost: I'm utterly baffled by this one line: "I got all four hooves — one missing toes." Hooves and toes? WTF (thanks, Benoit)? Delerium: May be NSFW. A gorgeous collection of photography and other artwork (thanks, f00dave). link 5 comments|post comment

Weighty Matters [Sep. 11th, 2007|10:33 am] [ Tags | dance, gym, kung fu, links ] [ mood | determined ] [ music | construction and traffic ] Congratulations to redlyra who got into the Mendelssohn Choir! That's pretty awesome, even if it means she'll be singing Carmina Burana instead of running around in the woods with me bopping people with foam swords while pretending she's an elf. Hee! ... Yesterday I met with a personal trainer, not so much so I can get personal training (I can't possibly afford that), but so I can see how she goes about working with prospective new clients. We did a before and after mock-up on her computer. I would look pretty much identical to the way I do now in six weeks if I were to fix my diet and get more regular weight-training. I'm not even a little bit surprised about that. However, the program wasn't really written with already-fit people in mind. Had I been forty or fifty pounds overweight, inactive, and eating a lot of crap, I would expect to see significant physical changes if I were to suddenly change my lifestyle. That being said, I certainly have room for improvement. My clean diet fell by the wayside in the past year, as did my regular weight training. When the trainer asked me when I was going to fix that, I thought a bit and said, "Tomorrow." That gave her a huge grin. She also told me that when I get my trainer certification to look her up, because she might be able to give me a job. So I need to look into that again. Everything costs money, though. Sigh.... So here I am, eating a perfectly cromulent breakfast, and I've packed a nutritious, junk-free lunch for work so I won't be tempted by the cream cheese and smoked salmon Montreal-style bagels just down the street (they're delicious, but creamed cheese and bagels don't fit on my tried and true meal plan). I need to get some serious groceries, and get more fresh veggies to snack on instead of the microwave popcorn that's been my standby for too long. I fully expect to still have a cheat day once a week. Pizza happens because game happens, but the rest of my week will compensate. I'm going to see if I can get my four-pack (I never quite made a six-pack) back. ... Cool news! It looks like I'll be teaching floorwork again. We're going to give it a go at the dance studio. Of course, the average student has never even heard of floorwork, so we had to give the class a catchy name. My class will be replacing a butts and guts workout class, so I think it could appeal to the same sort of student. I decided on the name "Core on the Floor", and will have to come up with a snappy little description for it, too. The price for taking the class is dirt-cheap, too. Where else can you study floorwork for $10/hour? If all goes well, classes will start up the second week of October on Monday nights at 7. No one showed for my belly dance class last night, so I took a pole dance class, instead. Somehow, I gave myself a wicked pole burn on my wrist, so I'm wearing a big bandage that makes me look like a suicide attempt. I'm hoping it will be sufficient protection for my advanced pole class tonight. And then, if I still have any energy left, I'm going to go for a kung fu class with lindalicious and gha5t. Maybe we'll get some Hung Gar practice in, too. I haven't done any Hung Gar in too long. And I'd especially love to do some Northern Mantis, too. Mmm... ... Ready for links? Here you go, anyway. The World's Largest Penises: Contains no pictures of penes, but you'll have to make the judgment call over whether this is SFW or not. Chinese woman's 'needle ordeal': "Doctors in China have discovered 26 sewing needles embedded in the body of a 31-year-old woman. They think they were inserted into Luo Cuifen's body when she was a baby by grandparents upset she was not a boy." Curiosities: A gallery of very creative artwork. Hidden method of reading revealed: "The mystery of how we read a sentence has been unlocked by scientists. Previously, researchers thought that, when reading, both eyes focused on the same letter of a word. But a UK team has found this is not always the case." 7 Amazing Holes: Contains no porn, just huge holes in the ground, both naturally-occurring and manufactured. Study finds left-wing brain, right-wing brain: There's a gay gene and a democrat gene (thanks, gha5t)? link 8 comments|post comment

Ouch [Aug. 2nd, 2007|10:39 am] [ Tags | gym ] [ mood | sore ] I am made of pain. My sore pecs? That's ok. The bee-killing cramps? Not so much. The former is indicative of my strength increasing. The latter of nothing good at all. It's wasted pain. Bah. Gotta run. Kung fu beckons. This is gonna hurt.... link 2 comments|post comment

Human Shishkabob [Aug. 1st, 2007|07:27 am] [ Tags | dance, gym, links ] [ mood | determined ] [ music | traffic ] I had a one-on-one intermediate pole dance class yesterday. The heat and humidity made it difficult for me to get a grip on the pole, but the class was great. The instructor fine-tuned a few of my moves, making them go from ok to strong, well-orchestrated spins of beauty. It all had to do with lower arm placement, so now I know what I need to work on. I worked on a variety of spins, including the fireman, the waterslide, the butterfly, the corkscrew, the bottle opener, and the jellyfish. I have a long way to go before I get the jellyfish, I think. Or maybe I just need a cooler, less sweaty day. I couldn't hold my position. Perspiration made me glide down the pole prematurely. At one point, the instructor asked me to walk up to the pole, really working through my hips. So I did a walking Maya, at which point she said in astonishment, "You move like a snake!" Last week, while dancing at the Renn, another woman told me I danced like a cobra. Sssss.... Today is the beginning of my new, super-duper workout mode. I'm doing a cycling class at noon, ballet at 5, and weight-training at 6:30. And now that my dance classes have been cut back until September, I need to find a part-time job, too. Ugh. Link time. How a fake word from The Simpsons ended up in a perfectly cromulent string theory paper: Does this mean "cromulent" will join "doh" in the dictionary? Hermes Ad: Posted just because I think the manicure is awesome. Intercourse and Intelligence: The dumber you are, the more sex you get. "Only 65% of MIT graduate students have had sex." Cervical Piercing: And he did it himself. Cautionary Tales of Swords: Swords are dangerous, mmkay? link 15 comments|post comment

Fishy [Jul. 17th, 2007|03:33 pm] [ Tags | gym, kung fu, links ] [ mood | calm ] I spilled sardine oil on my floor this morning. Eugh. I mopped it up immediately, but my room stinks of fish. I cleaned it with dish soap, but I can still smell it faintly, despite the incense and the scented candles burning merrily away. I guess I'll have to break out the vinegar and hope that does the trick. Although I enjoy eating sardines, I don't enjoy smelling them. I got my hair dyed yesterday. It's dark, dark, dark brown. Ok, it's black. But it looks a little brown in the sunlight. I got the tips dyed red again, only it didn't come out nearly as vibrant as I wanted. So tomorrow, they're redoing the ends to the fire-engine red that I want. Hoorah for funky hair! Sifu Chuck tried to kick my ass in kung fu today and failed. We did a hundred Hindu squats in a row. A couple of the students pooped out, but I did every one of them, and I'm pretty sure I could have done another hundred, although I know I would be hurting for days. As it is, my legs started to feel the work at around seventy. Then we did a few partner drills, including resisted sit-ups. In these ones, one person kneels, and the other lies on their back in front, wrapping their legs around the waist of the kneeling partner. It looks pretty porntastic, I must say. And then the one lying on the ground does situps, each time grabbing their resisting partner around the shoulders/neck and pulling them down on top of them. Only every now and then, their partner doesn't let them, and instead shoves them back down to the floor without warning. These are much better than regular crunches. My abs actually feel these, whereas I suspect I could pump out a few hundred crunches before feeling it. We also did partner push-ups, where you get held in the wheelbarrow position by your buddy then do the push-ups. I suck tremendously at these. My push-ups are very girly-man. They are much better than they were a year ago, though, so I ought to be thankful. I think the wing chung and the pole dance classes have gone a long way toward building up this weak, weak area of mine. When I grow up, I wanna be a muscle man. Too bad I'm drinking a glass of pop, which will be converted to fat which will hide all my muscles. Ah well. Sometimes wishes get washed under by sugary drinks. Heh. Here are some links! Frog Umbrella: This photo is screamingly cute. Fighting Lions: This photo makes me glad I wasn't close by. Yikes. Blood Puddle Pillows: I want one! Analysts to Costco: Stop treating your employees so well: Welcome to Costco. I love you (thanks, gha5t). Mmmm. Fabulous!: Amusing found art. Squirrel 'spies' seized: Giant badgers in Iraq, spy squirrels in Iran. What next? Manimal (thanks, doyce)? Meet the Incredible Hulk of Hounds: Oh wow! This bitch looks like she belongs in fantasy artwork (thanks, zombienought). link 6 comments|post comment

Cool It [Jun. 27th, 2007|09:18 am] [ Tags | gym, kung fu, links ] [ mood | busy ] [ music | my fan ] We have an air conditioner! I'm hoping it's powerful enough to handle the apartment. I've shut the doors to the other rooms (giving me the hot office I'm used to), but the chinchillas now reside in cool air. I vowed to get back up to snuff with my exercise starting on Monday, and so far, I'm doing well. I've been running daily. I did a lot better today than I did yesterday. Of course, I've also developed shin splints, so I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I spent more time warming up this morning before my run. Hopefully, that will do the trick and the tops of my feet and lower shins will feel much better shortly. I think I'll check out the Running Room and see if they're holding any free running clinics. I'm a shitty runner, and could really use some tips. ... Damn. They all cost money. Ah well. Kung fu was good last night. We were working on Luk Sao (rolling hands), and for the first time, my shoulders weren't aching. It would seem that when my thighs and shins ache, that I don't carry tension in my shoulders and do the exercise properly. I ought to be in pain more often during kung fu! Ha! Ready for some links now? Here you go. Women in Art: A whole lot of painted ladies. How Not to Act on J-Date: Forget J-Date. Don't act like this, period (thanks, real_bethy)! How to Be a Nerd: From the unintentionally hilarious WikiHow. The Things You'll Need section includes such nuggets of wisdom as, "# Glasses. If vision correction is in fact unnecessary, get glass glasses or wire frames. # Hair tie. For girls, this is quintessential when reading your below mentioned tome. # Tome. May be spiritual, psychological, mental, whatever." ‘Diabulimics’ skipping insulin to slim down: Oh joy. Mammoths to Return? DNA Advances Spur Resurrection Debate: I'm just waiting for Neanderthals to be brought back, just like in The Ugly Little Boy. Michigan Woman Claims Starburst Candies Are Dangerously Chewy in Lawsuit: Next, people who sue cherry growers because of those nasty pits hidden within the fruit. Don't laugh! Someone could break a tooth (thanks, doyce)! And now, for your viewing pleasure, an incomprehensible image: link 14 comments|post comment

shanmonster.com [Jun. 25th, 2007|05:51 am] [ Tags | costuming, dance, gym, performance, video ] [ mood | gotta run! ] [ music | construction and traffic ] If all goes well, my site should be live again very shortly. Cross your fingers! Also, I'm itching to go for an early-morning run, but I'm going to wait until snowy_kathryn's up so I can retrieve my mp3 player. I am a terrible runner, but I want to start running daily nonetheless. I figure a lap around the park will be a good start. And I'd better do it soon. It's supposed to be a scorcher today.... The dance performance went over fine yesterday, my embarrassingly hideous eyesore of a costume notwithstanding. snowy_kathryn looked much better! Much to my chagrin, my legs were completely wobbly and weak afterwards. I blame the month-long asthma attack for my weakness, and now that my lungs are on the mend, I hope to get my strength (and muscles) back posthaste. Here's a quick little clip of me coping with a costume malfunction while wearing this monstrosity yesterday. The music is "Ana" by Transglobal Underground. If the video doesn't work now, give it a while. I just uploaded it, and it may take a while to "process" (whatever that means). And I now have my mp3 player, so off I go! Wish me luck.... link 22 comments|post comment

Brother, Can You Spare a Lung? [Jun. 13th, 2007|10:21 pm] [ Tags | asthma, dance, gym ] [ mood | asthma! ] [ music | Covenant - Like Tears in Rain ] Remember that pike pole spin I couldn't do yesterday? I was able to do it today with one little hint from a different teacher. It's not pretty, but pretty will come with practice. Callouses on the inside edge of my biceps will also come, hopefully before the skin tears itself off. I thought metal-working was hard on the skin. Pole dancing is more so! Well, maybe I won't get chemical burns, cracked hands, and critically dry epidermis from pole spinning, but I didn't get friction burns on my inner thighs, wrists, knees, and inner arms from soldering and sanding. Yeowch! I got looking at my workout routine from a year ago, and I've been seriously slacking. It really showed when I went to put on a pair of shorts I wore last summer and couldn't get the zipper up without some serious gut-sucking. Of course, I wasn't drinking any beer last summer, either. Uh oh.... Although I get far more exercise than the average person, I'm still out of shape! Must get back into fine fettle. Must! But first, I must get my lungs working properly. It's hard to exercise when exercise makes it far more difficult to breathe. Stupid vicious circles. Boo. The lungs were working fine all day after my dentist attack, but when I put my rotary fan on the desk so that it was blowing at my face, it seems to have brought the asthma back. I wonder why that is? It's blowing at my feet, now, but the damage has already been done. So I guess it's off to the hospital I go in the morning. Good thing I have a good book to read.... link 1 comment|post comment

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